AUGH!!! I am being tested. And while God promises that noting is beyond my limits ... it's sure beginning to feel beyond and beyond.
Goodbye Hilaria.
Cryptic, yes. But needful. If she wants to contact me she knows how. We had some good times and for a while she was able to help me. I thought for a long time that she was y friend. As it turns out, not so much.
Now is when I miss having that close donfidant that I cant alk with. What is the issue? Why don't I have that in my life? I'll bet it has something to do with not letting people in ... Time to remove another brick, I see.
It's like everything I let someone in I get screwed over.
July 24, 2011
July 21, 2011
I am missing Hilaria these days. She is usually good for a little pick me up or advice.
July 18, 2011
I am really trying to be more positive and up beat. After a drunken weekend this is difficult. It will happen. It will, it will, it will. I usually don't drink that much. But now and again I do like to tie one on. The problem is that it contributes to my dysthymia.
July 16, 2011
July 15, 2011
WTF!?
Try and do something nice in the office. Go ahead, just try. I had made some "give a smile" flyers and posted them in various areas around the office. That was on the 13th. On the 14th I saw that some of the smiles were being given away. and now this morning one of the flyers was crumpled up and left in my trash can. Humpf!
This WILL NOT dissuade me from my commitment to help make things a little nicer in the office.
It would be interesting to find out if compulsive behaviors are noted in my ancestory.
Try and do something nice in the office. Go ahead, just try. I had made some "give a smile" flyers and posted them in various areas around the office. That was on the 13th. On the 14th I saw that some of the smiles were being given away. and now this morning one of the flyers was crumpled up and left in my trash can. Humpf!
This WILL NOT dissuade me from my commitment to help make things a little nicer in the office.
It would be interesting to find out if compulsive behaviors are noted in my ancestory.
July 14, 2011
So much for a fresh start ...
I am supposed to be working on keeping peace in my heart. But another part of me is insisting on lucid dreams. So dreaming it is. What, might you ask, is a lucid dream? it is a dream where the sleeper wakes up in the dream and is aware that they are dreaming. This is something I have been doing since my early teens. and thin in my 30's I learned of a book by Stephen Laberge and started to actively practice and record my lucid dreams. Then sometime in my 40's I got sick. There was a summer where I had a series of viral infections. My health took a serious turn for the worse and a lot of my daily activities went by the wayside. And now that I have received a couple of definetive diagnoese and am getting the correct treatment my health is improving. and my dreams are coming back.
:-)
I am supposed to be working on keeping peace in my heart. But another part of me is insisting on lucid dreams. So dreaming it is. What, might you ask, is a lucid dream? it is a dream where the sleeper wakes up in the dream and is aware that they are dreaming. This is something I have been doing since my early teens. and thin in my 30's I learned of a book by Stephen Laberge and started to actively practice and record my lucid dreams. Then sometime in my 40's I got sick. There was a summer where I had a series of viral infections. My health took a serious turn for the worse and a lot of my daily activities went by the wayside. And now that I have received a couple of definetive diagnoese and am getting the correct treatment my health is improving. and my dreams are coming back.
:-)
July 8, 2011
Still not feeling peace in my heart. and after talkig to Lynda ... OMG! I am seeing a comedy of errors developing and now I am experiencing gleeful anticipation.
July 7, 2011
Day 7 of the third cycle and this cycle is dedicated to peace. So I try and feel peace in my heart everyday. So far - bupkiss.
So, is there a good way to put peace in my heart? I meditated a little at lunch but I feel like calm is all I achieved. The good idea will be to try again later.
So, is there a good way to put peace in my heart? I meditated a little at lunch but I feel like calm is all I achieved. The good idea will be to try again later.
June 30, 2011
Today I feel like being The Joker from "The Dark Knight." I really enjoy that version of the character. Fortunately, this shall pass.
This has been an odd week. Monday was OK. Around midnight, however, Buddy's barking got to the pitch and urgency that propts me to check things out. So I got up and there was a helicopter searching the area. But then I couldn't get back to sleep. I was basically up all night. This made me was too tired to go to work. Wednesday was an off day for everyone. Lots of people commented on the strangeness of the day. This is Thursday and it still feels off.
This has been an odd week. Monday was OK. Around midnight, however, Buddy's barking got to the pitch and urgency that propts me to check things out. So I got up and there was a helicopter searching the area. But then I couldn't get back to sleep. I was basically up all night. This made me was too tired to go to work. Wednesday was an off day for everyone. Lots of people commented on the strangeness of the day. This is Thursday and it still feels off.
June 27, 2011
117 is the unofficial high at KTAR today. This will possibly be the hottest day this year. and the really hot days tend to happen during the last few days in June. Some of you might remember the year we went 120 and the 122. For me, the weather is most miserable when our night itme low is in the 90's.
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