And I am still depressed and not able to make it lift. I continue to be short of funds. My asthma is being active this year so the little I can put together is going towards the steroid inhaler. And my brain feels like it is running out of oxygen.
What is it going to take for me to do what I should have done years ago?
The ability to give good counsel. I know Susan excels as this but it is very conditional with her. She doesn’t give it away like she used to. Is it my behavior or hers?
Top of the list is understanding and discernment.
Describe your feelings and expectations about sharing your fifth step with your sponsor.
Scared, apprehensive, anxious … I am not sure I can actually fulfill this last step. I really don’t know if I can do it.
Yes, Don, John, Susan and Linda are people that I find to be trustworthy. Are they willing to be sponsors? I know at least 2 if not 3 are sponsors in the AA program.
That one year in college – I decided to stop eating sugar. Why can’t I do it now? There was plenty of stress and boredom then as well.
Write down the names of the most trustworthy people that you know. Do you think that they would be willing or interested in being a sponsor for you?
Well, the people I listed in the previous answer are all people that I would like to have as sponsors.
Describe any person who has helped you to see yourself more clearly and objectively in your process of recovery and of life.
Don, John, Susan and Linda have all been helpful in this. Don caught me with my “hand in the cookie jar” not to long ago and helped me with awareness of the situation. John and Susan are good counselors and I have enjoyed talking to them. And I miss Linda and her questioning and full of wisdom ways.
Free breakfast at Denny’s this morning.
Today I am making poor choices due to anxiety.
I have some delusions about myself. In some areas I am doing much better than my upbringing. In other areas I am failing to be a better person.
I suspect that the point for Step 5 is that I need to stop judging myself as well as others.
There is a lot of fear in my life. While my current fears are not the same as the fears I had in childhood (survival) the fear is still there just another cause. I have worked hard to overcome my emotional responses. Please know that it is important to identify and honor your emotions but being able to handle those emotions effectively is so important. Both my maternal and paternal families have a history of violence towards women and children. Oversensitivity to years of abuse, having to deal with broken relationships may be the biggest issue. Emotional responses to memories are what I need to resolve. I would be hurt and some of my family would be hurt if I were to tell the big secrets.
I used to be nice to people and then I started to work for
Sneaking never did work very well. Revenge has never worked well for me.
Got married, got divorced, got a job, got a hobby - have all made a difference in my life. Reminiscing has made a difference, reconnected with some of my past. I have sometimes failed to live my life. Difficulty in talking makes a big impact on my ability to communicate.
I once met a woman that showed me that women are not bad and can be a positive influence.
