December 21, 2010

Should I try sandwiches at the office? Keep bread in my drawer, keep mayo or dressing and lettuce in the fridge, pick up veges every morning on my way to work.

December 20, 2010

I am back at work today. Last week was kind of interesting. I tended to be tired towards the end of the day and tried taking naps a couple of times. Watched dvd’s and kept up on the dvr shows. Read some of the book I bought just for the occasion. I did not do any sewing as I just did not feel up to being that engaged/focused. I played a bit on PetVille but was not able to keep ahead of it. We went to the party at Butler’s last night. I had an interesting conversation with Danni. Her version of my stay in the hospital is a little different from my version. Evidently, I kept falling asleep while she was there checking on me. My memory shows an actual conversation but Danni’s memory is different. Kind of funny

December 10, 2010

OK. I'm alive. I survived the surgery. So did everybody else. The staff at the hospital were great.

It goes like this. I checked in on Tuesday morning at JCL Deer Valley Hospital. I did not go to my room I went directly to the Surgical Center. They took a blood sample. I was asked 101 questions - at least. And this is after the 202 questions from the phone call the day before. Got undressed and put on the every so "fashionable" hospital gown. The IV was put in my left hand. The surgical team came in and talked to me for a few minutes and then the man with the happy juice made me very happy. Never mind having to count backwards from 100, I did not make it out of the elevator from intake to the OR.

The next thing I know I am being woke up and asked the staff to call Susie (landlady) and Dad. Then I was wheeled out of Recovery into my room and hooked up to oxygen. Back to sleep.

A little while later, Danni came in and woke me up. She visited with me. Really nice person if you ever meet her. She stayed for maybe an hour and we talked about her family. I don't get to see her real often so catching up happens at some of the oddest times. I went back to sleep.

The next thing I know, Susie is waking me up. Well, not exactly, somewhere in there I had dinner. She came up after work and stayed with me a little while. She ate a big huge hamburger in front of me and I didn't even want to smell it much less eat any. My throat was killing me.

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night and put jammie bottoms on. I also wee'd my little heart out. Trust me, having three bags of IV saline will do that to you. I woke up several times during the night and got up to walk around, doctors orders, and then go back to sleep.

Not many people know this about me, but I have a fairly high tolerance for pain. I mean, seriously, one of my doctors thinks there is something wrong with me it's so high. Anyway, on Wednesday I was released and Susie picked me up and drove me home. The doctor wrote me a prescription for Vicodin which I am using to get to sleep at night. Promise, I feel where the incision is and everything but I don't really have a lot of pain. I'm hoping it will help the insomnia a little.

And so this morning I finally took a shower and have all of the surgical tape off and put some ointment on the wound. All of the stitches are self-dissolving so will not need to be removed.

Next week I see the Endocrinologist and the Surgeon for follow ups. I plan to return to work on the 20th.

November 30, 2010

Ros came back to work today. It sure was good to see her. She has been a couple of weeks ahead of me on this whole thyroid surgery thing. We have been talking and commiserating on this whole mess. She is kind of tired but glad to be back at work. She is still adjusting to the medication

November 22, 2010

And now through the modern miracle of the computing age we travel back in time ...

SEWING!!!!! I got to do some sewing. Now I need to do some cleaning.

If I want to live a peaceful life do I really need to give up violent tv shows and movies?

November 24, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

November 19, 2010

It goes like this. In June a secretary that was on loan to another office came back to help us while the receptionist had physical therapy. She and I were talking and she went at length about how she doesn’t have a desk, she only gets to do phones and closed files, the drive is too long, on and on an on. I felt bad for her, I really did. So I started campaigning to get her back to the office on a regular basis.

So, I help her with the move back and give her things to do and get settled in and feel needed. I did not mind that she had trouble with her phone. Sometimes it just takes a while to get things set up. I know she had trouble with the “change your password every month” thing so I was willing to help her with that.

Little by little she has started to do the stupid act – again. One of the assignments I gave her was to take care of the fax and printer machines in the middle coy bay but to leave the copiers alone. She would take care of the machines but she would not leave the copiers alone. Repeatedly, I asked her nicely to please leave the copiers alone. She still insisted on filling the copiers. So one day I showed her how to fill the one drawer that she was filling wrong on the copiers. I explained that the machine needs it done this way to use the paper. I instructed, not showed, her how to fill the #1 drawer. Did she start doing that? Did she get the )!*@&$(%^ idea? No. Then one week I had to unload and reload the paper in the #1 drawer three times. So I wrote a note, nicely worded, that whoever was loading that drawer was doing it wrong and to please leave it alone.

So … a few days ago I was faxing some paperwork for a worker and this secretary gets in the middle of what I was doing and we had a little fight. Which ended up with her saying “that I (the secretary) don’t know how to fill a copier” and that “watching me (Martha) might be an intelligent thing to do.”

Yeah, I know, Bad Martha.

And what do I hear her saying to a new worker the next day??? I hear her complaining that – drum roll – all she gets to do is phones and closed files.

I am so )!*@&#^$(% pissed. Just absolutely completely and totally pissed.

November 16, 2010

As if Arizona didn’t have enough PR problems already. Now we have an animal shelter employee euthanize an honored canine veteran of the Afghan war. Really sad. This dog saved American military men that were being threatened by a suicide bomber. The dog, Target, was then brought to the US where she lived in AZ with a member of the unit that she had saved. The owner failed this dog by not having her micro-chipped and licensed. The animal shelter worker failed this dog by not following procedure. The county failed this dog by not having adequate supervision. I feel like we have all failed this noble creature.

Surgery – yes I will be having surgery on the nodule in my neck. I met the surgeon on Monday and she described the procedure. Instead of just trying to remove the nodule, roughly thumb size, she will be removing the whole right side and connecting band of the thyroid. She will also be checking my parathyroid glands since they are usually responsible for calcium blood levels. I gave them my FMLA packet and am now waiting to hear from them after they get approval from UHC. So, December sometime?

November 9, 2010

Fat lot of help that biopsy was. It is most likely on the thyroid but we have some indication that the parathyroid is involved. So, now I see a surgeon on Monday and go from there.

Scared myself witless for a while there. I decided to look up hypercalcemia and started with WebMD. Every reference they had to hypercalcemia involved cancer. Mayo Clinic was more positive with a description of hyperparathyroidism and citing cancer as a possible cause. Evidently, being female and postmenopausal make me more susceptible to parathyroid issues. Let’s hear it for old-fart ladies.

November 8, 2010

I see the doctor this afternoon to get my test results and to hopefully schedule my surgery. Yes, I am going to willfully allow someone to slice my neck open. YIKES!

And now I have a rash on my neck. NUTS!! I can just imagine what Dr Phillips is going to say. No possibility of surgery until that is cleared up.

) ! * @ & # ( $ ^ %

November 5, 2010

The eyes are still in an uproar.

Rosalyn called today. She says she is home from the hospital and feeling OK. The nodule was in fact cancer and she is very thankful that she insisted on having it removed. She told me that when I have this surgery I should plan on two weeks minimum because I’ll need it. Don’t know about that. We’ll see what happens. I know that I need to prepare to have a bag of quilting with me in the hospital. The last time I was in a hospital I went nuts with nothing to do so I got up and walked around. I think the nursing staff got tired of me wandering around the hospital.

November 4, 2010

There is a story on the news today about City of Phoenix workers taking out their trash at the end of their work day. What am I supposed to think about that? Is the economy really THAT bad?

November 3, 2010

OK, wearing make up again today. My eyes are still a little sensitive but that might be from the foundation. So tomorrow will be Cover Girl day.

There were many changes in the political landscape yesterday. Democrats are out of the House of Representatives and Republicans are in. And in another two years the Senate might become Republican as well. The Tea Party movement has been heard.

November 2, 2010

When I got home yesterday, my eyes hurt so bad. I had put on make up, including mascara, in the morning. My eyes were teary all day long. I put several eye drops in each eye when I got home. Today I bought some “hypoallergenic” mascara. Hopefully it works better.

I voted today. Did you?

November 1, 2010

I am not sure how I am going to sleep this Winter. I am too hot to sleep some of the night now.

October 28, 2010

OK, sewing report, I have been sewing. I made a pair of pj bottoms out of some knit material that I had purchased for a twin set. I will need to get some lighter weight fabrics and do the same thing as I will need at least 3-4 pair of summer weight pj’s. I have also been sewing blocks for a “Sylvia” quilt. I am using black as the background fabric and 1930’s reproduction fabrics for the colors. Perhaps this weekend I can get some time in and sew several blocks on the Lilac quilt and maybe get a start on Hilaria’s quilt for her Mother. I am having a great time sewing and do not want to stop to do work. As for my sewing skills, I am being more focused on seams and sizes, etc.

October 28, 2010

OK, sewing report, I have been sewing. I made a pair of pj bottoms out of some knit material that I had purchased for a twin set. I will need to get some lighter weight fabrics and do the same thing as I will need at least 3-4 pair of summer weight pj’s. I have also been sewing blocks for a “Sylvia” quilt. I am using black as the background fabric and 1930’s reproduction fabrics for the colors. Perhaps this weekend I can get some time in and sew several blocks on the Lilac quilt and maybe get a start on Hilaria’s quilt for her Mother. I am having a great time sewing and do not want to stop to do work. As for my sewing skills, I am being more focused on seams and sizes, etc.

October 27, 2010

ACK! What a mean person I am. Poor Lynda. But then again, if she actually did the level of work that she is paid to do …..

October 26, 2010

I had the FNA biopsy on my thyroid/parathyroid yesterday. It is an interesting sensation having “stuff” sucked out of your neck. Dr Phillips took 4 samples. Three are being sent out for testing and one is stored for just in case. In any case, I might try and get this done before Thanksgiving if not then perhaps January.

Had a reminder of the economic depression on the news today. There was a story about a significant number of people that had jobs in 2008 and then earned nothing in 2009. So this makes me once again thankful for my job.

October 22, 2010

Dr Phillips office called this morning. They had a cancellation so I am having the FNA biopsy on Monday morning. Right now, I plan to stay from work home and sew that day.

October 20, 2010

I also, saw my regular doctor recently and my A1C is up. Really up from where it was 3 months ago. This is not a good thing especially if I am getting ready for surgery.

October 18, 2010

OK, thingy in my neck is now a nodule on my thyroid gland that does not appear suspicious but is larger than 4 cm which is the cut off for surgery. It is also large enough that it is affecting my breathing and swallowing when I eat. It is also the thing that is making my voice sound funny. I was blaming that on my inhaler. So, in December I will have a needle biopsy and then that will set us up for the eventual surgery.

October 7, 2010

What a month this is so far big rain, big wind, big hail and 4, count them 4, tornadoes. And my cousin Ben will be in town this weekend. That reminds me, this is a 3 day weekend due to the Columbus Day Holiday. I am planning on going to Dad’s to do some cleaning.

On Monday, I see Dr G. This is my regular med check and I will be talking to him about the popping noise in my ears. I suspect that I have swimmer’s ear.

I wish I had more money so that I could stay home and quilt/sew all day, get things fixed, travel a little, you know enjoy life. I am seriously bored with my job right now.

October 6, 2010

I am having a poopy day. I feel like going home.

I need to sew. That’s all there is to it. I finished the pincushion for the Fall swap. I might make a bigger cherry to put on top but at this point in time the pincushion is finished.

One other thing – I also miss writing in a book for my journal. I like having an online blog that I put things in but I miss the physical act of writing. And I really dislike the idea of writing everything down in a book and then putting it online. An effort that does not need to be duplicated from my point of view. So now I am divided on how to deal with that.

October 4, 2010

I had a really good weekend. Karen and Jim were visiting Dad and I got to spend Sunday with them. Good news on the dysthymia front, I am now having actual moments of joy and energy, spontaneously! This is progress.

September 28, 2010

Kind of a sad day here. One of my classmates from high school watched his wife pass away last night. She had pancreatic cancer. Very sad. So I guess this is the time in my life when some of my classmates start to die off.

September 27, 2010

So, once again, now that I know what my passion is what is the next step? Do I retire in 2013 and go to work part-time in a fabric store? Start my own business? What? I don’t know that any of this will be my answer. But these are the questions that I have right now.

Found the owner of the ipod. Now I don’t get to claim it. I was kind of hoping …

Recently, I used Mom’s old bread machine. Now I know why she stopped using it. But I did enough online research that now I am interested in getting a nice one that can do quick breads as well as regular bread. And these things are supposed to be handy for mixing bread to be shaped then baked in the oven.

And then there is the whole ipod thing. Now I want one of those too. Maybe I’ll get one of the Shuffles like Susan has. More research is required.

September 24, 2010

I have just started a new 90 Day Cycle. I still need to work on the sewing thing so I will keep that as my objective. Now the thing is, I am an experienced sewer and learned in my early teens. My mother taught me how to sew. My skills could use some updating so I will make that a part of this cycle. I may need to do some library and internet research to find suitable material. I think that Karen has Mom’s old books so I won’t be able to use those.

September 22, 2010

Next year I will be running my 90 Day Cycles a little differently. Instead of following the solstice/equinox dates I will just be tracking 3 months from the start of the year and let it go at that.

I know what my passion is. So what do I do now?

September 14, 2010

Poopies! I feel like s***. And I haven’t done any sewing for a while. That creates a serious bummer in my mood maintenance schedule

September 13, 2010

My life at work just went to hell, in a hand basket. We were enjoying a nice 5-day 4-secretary schedule. Now we are back to three secretaries. Now both Anna and I are wishing and hoping for the lottery.

September 10, 2010

What a week this has been. I think we might be about to have the house repiped. And not because we want to. I get the feeling this is more of a have to have it done type of scenario.

September9, 2010

So, yesterday, when I was having such a bad day, I sent the landlady a text that I had nearly quit. Evidently, this caused her to have a panic attack. And now today she is home taking a mental health day to recover. I wish I had time to take a mental health day. I am pretty sure that I have used too much leave time that way already.

September 8, 2010

I nearly quit my job today. I have been working on feeling better about myself and recognizing what makes me happy. I want to sit at home and sew all day. And today with all the shit from case managers and missing secretaries I nearly walked out. This is kind of an eye opening experience for me, finding my passion. I like this job and have enjoyed it at several levels for a number of years. It has been very therapeutic for me. But now I seem to be at an impasse. I feel like I am spinning my wheels but at the same time there is no safety net for me to jump into while I change careers.

September 6, 2010

HAPPY LABOR DAY!

September 3, 2010

Over the weekend I did some more work on the cupcake. It is almost finished. I put the “frosting” fabric on and now I need to make the emery cherry to go on top. This has been another learning experience. I have made it entirely by hand, no machine sewing on this. I definitely know that I would not do it this particular way again. I want to start on the Winter Pincushion as soon as this one is finished.

I am surprised at how much fun I am having at sewing. But then again I always did find it to be very relaxing as a teen. I just don’t know if I would be able to make a living at sewing.

September 2, 2010

OK. Venus got so depressed that we have let her out again. And she is still alive. The Mutliator hasn’t gotten her yet. But Venus did get seriously depressed during those few days. We just try and make sure she is close to home and not wandering too far in her travels.

I am feeling down again today and not sure why. Work is kind of a bummer right now. There is a lot of “you, you, you” going on and not nearly enough self responsibility. Remind me again why haven’t I won the lottery yet?

August 31, 2010

So, over the weekend the power went out in the neighbor hood for about 45 minutes. During that time Susie walked over to Carol’s to see if her power was out too. She came back with unsettling news. It seems we have a budding sociopath in the area. The police have been kind of watching this kid in the neighborhood. They suspect that he lit a house fire recently. And several cats in the area have been mutilated. So now our poor little Venus has been shut in the house since Saturday.

August 30, 2010

I am getting concerned about my landlady. Her hands are really bothering her and she is staying home. She needs to have surgery on one if not both and is missing work due to her hands. I know she wants to quit working and retire and live a life of leisure. BUT … there isn’t any money. And I am sure there are many, many people that understand how that old song and dance goes.

August 26, 2010

I had my initial appt with Dr Phillips today about the adenoma on my parathyroid gland. It appears that I may actually have a cyst rather than an adenoma. So, the next steps are more testing and an ultrasound. So, I feel like this is a very good thing that will not require surgery like some of us were thinking.

August 25, 2010

Really tired today. This thing with the inner ear is getting real old real fast.

We are having an issue with the notaries in the office. Most of our notaries happen to be secretaries, one is a case aide. I am going to ask that new notaries come from the supervisory ranks. Right now, 3 of the 4 notaries do not want to renew their commissions. Case workers, for the most part, are not communicating very well or not at all. And the notaries have had enough.

There is an insurrection going on. And it ain’t pretty.

August 18, 2010

I keep leaving my flash drive at the office on Friday’s. This causes me to miss updating my blog. It also leads to me missing my journal which I like writing in. Often.

August 13, 2010

What a tangled web we weave. Over the last several weeks we have been treated to a “parade” of manliness here at the office due to a client making a credible threat on some of our personnel. Anyway, last week there was this one guy that was so good looking that all the women slowly gravitated to the cubicle where he was working. ALL DAY LONG. Nearly every woman in the office was over there flirting. Well, the topic came up at lunch today and the officer that was on duty today was asking who that was. So, I went and got his name and let it be known that the women would like this one officer to come back. Hopefully, I don’t get in trouble.

August 12, 2010

I have made a little more progress on the next pincushion. It felt good to work with my hands. The pattern isn’t turning out quite like I had planned but that’s OK. I am engaged in a learning/discovering process and will have ups and downs.

August 11, 2010

OK, I did not get any sewing done last week and that is because my arm was still being fussy after the biopsy. Now I am starting to ‘jones’ again so will probably get some done this week.

August 6, 2010

My elbow still hurts from the biopsy. Not so bad but still not willing to sew right now.

August 5, 2010

So, how do you make yourself work when you really don’t want to? I kind of had fun staying home yesterday to get the garage door fixed. A little boring after I watched the dvr shows but still fun. The sad thing here is that I really don’t love this job anymore. I like it and it is a good job and a job worth doing. BUT, nevertheless, I no longer love this job. Some days I sit here and read or sew. And it isn’t because I don’t have anything to do. I have plenty to do. So, now what? How do I resolve this? And I haven’t won the lottery yet so I can’t just quite and open a fabric store.

August 3, 2010

I feel like I am spinning my wheels again. Kind of like a zero. Nothing getting done, nothing to do, nothing inspiring, nothing motivating, nothing fulfilled, nothing granted, nothing assessed, nothing gained …… And now I am looking at the news and there are several shootings in the news. I think it isn’t just me that’s having a down day.

August 2, 2010

OK, I saw Dr G today and he took the stitches out. The bump turns out to be a neurofibromatosis. He offered to sew it back in if I like but I really don’t want it back.

July 30, 2010

I am a bit melancholy today. I have been reading on FB about a classmate of mine from high school that is dying. she is one of the people that I was able to reconnect with through FB and I am quite sad that she is leaving now.

Evidently, a year ago she had a major heart attack that required a long recovery. Now she is in renal failure and it is believed to be a result of the HA from last year. Anyway, she will not be recovering. She is in the hospital and on a rather strong morphine drip. Her family wants to take her home for hospice care but she may not make it there.

July 27, 2010

Walked, 2000 steps on purpose at work. It is time to start doing that again. And the dogs are about ready to explode so we will start walking them soon. We had stopped for a couple of weeks due to the weather being so hot.

I will try and work on the pincushion tonight. I did get a small teacup pincushion from the Pincushion Fairy. I suspect that one of my swap buddies is Meg who is having several issues but chiefly a fibromyalgia flare up that is getting in the way of her sewing.

July 26, 2010

OK, so that is one week without sewing. But I was really busy so that is not too bad. Which brings up an interesting question. Will being busy bring me happiness? Yes and No. Busyness tends to keep one occupied so in some respect unaware of the emotional state of the self. However, in the practice of awareness one will realize if the work on hand is bringing about happiness. I’m not sure I stated that particularly well but I got it out.

July 22, 2010

This may be the first week that I don’t get any sewing done. I admit to being a little stuck but this has mostly been a busy week since it is a 4-day work week instead of 5. I suspect that this is part of how I get back to my authentic self.

July 20, 2010

One third of the way through the Summer Cycle and I have sewed every week.

July 19, 2010

Last week I got a good start on the next pincushion. I made the base form with rice and muslin. I picked a fabric that will kind of look like cupcake paper. I have attempted to quilt it so that it looks a little more like the cupcake paper. Not too successful on this part. Trapunto may be a better technique to achieve that look. I put the form inside and added a lip for the top of the cupcake. Now I am gathering and sewing the top on. Next is stuffing and frosting. So far this has all been done by hand.

This is fun and it has been a good experience for me so that I can regain my confidence in sewing and quilting. Next I need to get back to my Quilt List and get to work on those projects. And this time I WILL NOT give myself any panic attacks for anxiety over deadlines.

July 14, 2010

Another day of feeling unfulfilled, dissatisfied and generally not well. I asked a friend what do you do when you know what is your passion? Her answer was to do something with it. So, I will sew and make quilts. Don’t know about clothes. That was something that was useful when I was a teenager. Now I just want to quilt.

July 13, 2010

So, at what stage should I be worried about Dad? He has always had a bit of ADD and now it is becoming even more pronounced. He doesn’t especially want me to move in with him. But he needs someone there more often than not. Should I visit twice a month? Stay every weekend?

Next, having found my passion, what do I do about it? Or with it?

July 8, 2010

Today I brought rice to the office to help weigh down the pincushion. I used it in the chicken pincushion, too. I am kind of excited to see what kind of pincushion I get in the Summer Swap.

July 7, 2010

I cut out a piece of plastic to help stabilize the cupcake pincushion. And I sewed it into the bottom of the muslin form. Nothing like sewing to feel like I am being productive.

Next, since quilting is my passion … what is the next step? I have proven to myself that this is what I love to do. Even if I am not the best. It’s the thing I keep coming back to.

July 6, 2010

Ah, success. I made two pair of shorts this weekend. Now I don’t have to wear my work pants to walk the dogs. And hopefully, this losing weight thing will be a continuing thing so that I will need new work pants and the old work pants can become …

July 2, 2010

I am debating whether or not I will make a Rose of Sharon pincushion for the Winter swap. I might want to use one of the ‘quiltigami’ flowers that I was thinking of for Mom’s quilt.

I started cutting out pieces for the cupcake pincushion. Am I having too much fun? I don’t think so. Others might disagree. I understand that they are entitled to their opinions. Even if it means nothing.

July 1, 2010

What is stopping me now? Why do I feel anxious?

June 20, 2010

I am testing a theory. I have suspected for a while that my synthroid is raising my blood sugar so I tested before and one hour after taking it. And it appears that I was right. Of course I will need to repeat this to see if I get the same results. And then I’ll have to tell Dr Griffith.

Sewing every week

So far this week I have found a cupcake design that I like for the Fall Swap. Designed the base. I made circle templates from 2 to 5 inches in half inch increments.

I picked a Rose of Sharon pattern for the Winter Swap. Printed the pattern and colored it in to help decide on colors.

I am dedicating myself to pick out a pattern and fabric to make some shorts this weekend.

And tonight I am going to load my quilting bag so I can take it to work and have something to do if Michelle needs to go out with Kelly. Quilting as you go is becoming a way of life for me.

June 29, 2010

So, I have picked a design for the next two pincushion swaps. And I am still working on cleaning up my room. Seeing Dad’s house was kind of scary for me and it is spurring me to get my room straight.

Which brings me to my next topic. The difference in Dad from May to June was kind of startling. I don’t know if it is the heat or if he just doesn’t feel real well right now or what. But he is not keeping up on house issues.

June 28, 2010

Well, we finally had our meeting today and Thursday is now my phone day. This means that Monday and Tuesday and some Fridays are OK for scheduling appts.

June 23, 2010

Sew something every week. There, I have a goal for this cycle.

June 16, 2010

I am officially sick. Scratchy throat, coughing, drippy sinuses – ick.

June 15, 2010

HA! This is a hell of a day. Why is it that I get sick AFTER I see the doctor?

June 10, 2010

Is being bored optional? I know that it is entirely possible to be busy and bored at the same time. I’m just wondering if being bored is a choice.

OK. Part of the issues with my blood sugar was the expired test strips I was using. Another part is the way I eat. And the final part is the lack of exercise. And then there is the whole deciding if I want to live thing.

June 8, 2010

10 more days and what have I accomplished? I now have three daily affirmations. I made a pincushion. I want to find some Cerreta’s candy to put in the box with it. Note – I went to the factory and bought some Pecan Caramels. Yum! And look, I actually sewed and it was fun. Now to get the shirts mended for Dad.

June 7, 2010

Hot! Hot!! Hot!!!

I was hoping to get a hair cut this month but it looks like that will wait for July. We have been at or over 110 degrees since Friday. June is like this in Arizona. July and August are long and hot but June is usually the month with the high heat.

We are almost at the end of the fiscal year and case managers are starting to bail out, three are quitting by the end of this month. Not that I blame them. It is just that the state is in a very difficult position financially and the workers are getting squeezed, mightily. Whatever happened to the concept of public service?

I suppose it could be worse. I could actually be out of a job instead of just taking a pay cut.

So, according to Dr Dyer I should think of something good rather than the sad or unwelcome circumstance. So, the good thing is … I have a job. I’m not claiming to be gainfully employed, but I do have a job. I am trying not to sink into the downward spiral of depression. In fact, I am trying to lift out of the dysthymia funk that I currently find myself in.

June 4, 2010

Well my weight is becoming more of a problem. I have had some numbness in my left leg today. This is an indication that the nerve is being compromised probably somewhere in the spinal column. I see my regular doctor next Friday so this will be something for us to discuss – yet again.

June 3, 2010

Don’t I have anything to say?

June 1, 2010

Still haven’t won the lottery. RATS! But I did have a fairly nice weekend. Still haven’t found the little pewter heart that I lost. I am sure it is in my bedroom SOMEWHERE. I miss that little heart and am carrying an Arizona quarter around ‘til I can find it.

May 25, 2010

What a day. I mostly worked on the “Knowing Who You Are” workbook. Now I am so depressed I’m not sure what I need to do with myself. It isn’t like it is my fault that the world is like this. I do try to imagine what it’s like to go and live in a foreign land. No job, different language, no family, etc.

May 21, 2010

“Knowing Who You Are,” now we are supposed to lead kids on a Hero Journey of self-discovery. Sometimes I wonder if Central Office knows how little time we have for dealing with the kids that come into CPS care?

On another note, all of my physical maladies would be greatly improved by the judicious application of proper diet and exercise.

May 20, 2010

This week I have done a small amount of light quilting. I am making a pincushion for a swap with my online group. I tend to forget how much I enjoy this kind of sewing until I pick something up and do it. So, the next challenge is to pick up the bigger projects and see if the elbow is healed enough to work on those.

May 19, 2010

If I only had six months left to live – what would I do? Not necessarily in this order:

1 – Quilt

2 – Give away/sell my stuff

3 – Tell my family

4 – Quit my job

5 – Play with the animals

6 – Tell online contacts, clear all my contact lists, shut down games and e-mail

7 – Clean out room

8 – Give my Singer to Laura or Jessika

9 – Plan my ceremony

10 – Explore hospice options, if needed

May 14, 2010

So the first step in seeking happiness is learning. We first have to learn how negative emotions and behaviors are harmful to us and how positive emotions are helpful. - Dalai Lama

May 13, 2010

Think of something else, an activity that is more easily said than done.

May 12, 2010

So, I have some clearing to do about the being good issue. I will try and take a few minutes at lunch to get this done.

I sat in the empty conference room for a few minutes and concentrated on letting go of the issues I have over being good. Maybe I can get some input from Susan to work out a reward system.

It is also time to stop letting the TV be my sleep aid.

May 11, 2010

I am going to try a schedule change to try and deal with the stomach upset.

Interesting. I was reading “Reality Therapy In Action” and came across the thought that I can choose to be good. I very suddenly became angry. Why does the thought of being a Goody Two Shoes make me angry? What is the history behind this reaction? Every time I’m good something bad comes my way? What is going on?

Having to be the good kid was never rewarded or OK or good. I “got it” no matter how good I was.

May 10, 2010

Well, stomach continues to be upset in the mornings. I will talk with Dr Griffith about it next month when I have my next appointment.

Do I know what I want? Dr Campbell asked me that question. My answer was to stop being so sad. He indicated that was not a good answer, too general.

May 5, 2010

Happy Cinqo De Mayo!

According to Wayne Dyer, when I feel sick I should not think of how sick I am. Instead, I should think of how good things are.

So … I love my computer because it has all of my friends inside of it. … I need a hug. … I am grateful for my family. … I like being able to contact people that are outside of AZ.

The abundance exercises are to count my blessings and to be grateful. So I have been posting a blessing and a gratitude message on Facebook. BUT, and Dr Summerhill pointed this out, I have trouble internalizing.

May 3, 2010

I found the Craig’s List ad that has my phone number on it. I sent them a message but they hadn’t changed it when I checked a few minutes later.

April 30, 2010

Well, it has been a week now since Gov Brewer signed SB 1070 into law. This new immigration bill has a lot of people up in arms. My point of view is that the federal governments of both Mexico and the USA have dropped the ball and left us with few options. I do not like the bill but there are a lot of issues surrounding the bill that need to be addressed and no one, NO ONE, has been speaking to these issues at the federal level. This has been a long time coming and now it is here.

April 26, 2010

Dysthymia. That is the diagnosis. I have dysthymia, and exercise is part of the therapy. And once again choice theory/reality therapy/ACT is being a part of my life. I used to have William Glasser’s book Reality Therapy in Action but that was 20+ years ago and that book is long gone. The library has a copy and I will try and check it out. I also have Dr Campbell’s book Rapid Relief from Emotional Distress which is another take on choice theory/reality therapy. So I am well stocked on resources.

April 21, 2010

Buddy is at the vets today. He is finally getting neutered and also getting his teeth treated. From what Susan says he lost several teeth and may be eating soft food from now on.

It is rather cold and windy outside and my allergies are up in arms over it.

April 20, 2010

Our receptionist is still alive. BUT . . . that isn’t saying much. This is one of those situations where a person is still alive only because murder is illegal. And it isn’t me. The other secretaries are after her too.

April 16, 2010

Well over a hundred days into the year and I am losing hope for dropping any weight at all. It isn’t like I don’t know what to do. I even have a schedule worked out. I need to get up and get busy.

April 15, 2010

Happy Tax Day!

This year I get to pay both Federal and State taxes. Most years I break even or get money back. Not this year. ! + @ ) # * $ ( % & ^ | } : furloughs.

So much for being good today it’s like I am not even trying anymore.

April 14, 2010

What is the point to being depressed? It is a self-centered action. Depression is an indication that there is a loss of identity. It is also a sign of stress. Thus sayeth the internet.

April 13, 2010

Interesting meeting with Dr Summerhill yesterday. He cannot prescribe meds but we can do some talk therapy. In the meantime I will have to try and find Dr Campbell.

So the question of the day is, “What is the depressions purpose?” Everything has a purpose in life. What is its purpose? Attention? Get out of work? Get out of interacting with people? Get out of interacting with the world?

April 12, 2010

I release all of my past to the light.

Thank you God for being there and having my back. A concept that I really like and need in my life. This in no way takes away the responsibility for my behavior. It is more in the way of a no pressure clause.

April 9, 2010

20 days into my current 90 Day Challenge and I haven’t come up with anything. Boy, some dedication.

April 7, 2010

AUGH!!!!! Case Managers!!!! Social Workers!!! A pox on them all!!

April 2, 2010

Using, using is what I do. I don’t know how to not use.

This is Easter weekend. I plan to drive out to Dad’s on Saturday and visit. Do a little cleaning. I look forward to go out there. Not a scary thing anymore.

April 1, 2010

Happy April Fool’s Day!! A local radio station played this prank on the listening public.

PHOENIX -- Parents are scrambling to deal with changes that will have their children go to school year-round and on alternative days.

Late Wednesday night, the Arizona Department of Education and Fishing decreed the changes, starting May 1, to help shave millions of dollars off the state budget. Based on the first letter of their last names, some students will go to class on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, others on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.

"It's going to be very hard," said one mother, noting she must find care for her children on the days they're off. "I don't even know if I can afford to work any more. It's going to get so bad."

Another lamented, "It will probably cost me a couple-thousand extra dollars a month because I have all-day care. It will be all-day care, it won't be after-school care, it will be all-day care."

Arizona teachers union representative Buzz Driver was furious after hearing details of the plan late Wednesday.

"They told us kids whose last names begin with the letters A through L are going to go to school Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays," Driver said. "M through Z is going to go Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays."

Another representative, Tex Bookman, is frustrated his organization did not have a say in the matter.

"It's just like the Legislature to push something like this through in the middle of the night," he said.

To save additional money, the state will be closing 15 percent of schools in order to consolidate resources. Bookman is concerned, though, about what the changes will do to teachers, students and parents.

"This is nuts," he said of the new schedule.

However, former state school superintendent Lisa Keegan is excited about what this means for teachers and students.

"I really think it's going to be positive," she said.

Chuck Board with the Arizona Department of Education and Fishing said the changes are a great use of the state's tax dollars.

"This is a progressive program," he said.

To find out if your child's school is going to shut down call the Education Hotline at 602-200-2788.